Cherish Your Children! And an Introduction to the Sleep Fairy!

Looking through the list of EVERYTHING I want to post, it's all recipes, recipes, recipes...because that's what goes on at our house. We make everything by scratch, from peanut butter to bread, to every meal. Eventually we will make our own soaps too, because I WANT to make it all! It's cheaper and natural, nourishes my children and protects them.

That's what I always want, right? To nourish and protect. But there is an element in there that's missing. It's called cherishing! And I was sure that I do that every day... sure our schedule is busy, I mean, we bake for 3-4 hours Monday through Thursday, and the girls help, then Friday is THEIR DAY! We do Ballet, and Gymnastics, we go to the museum, I take them out on jogs 3 days a week, we have friends over, I have made an effort to get them connected with friends their age, we hardly turn on the TV for my fear of using it as a babysitter more often than is really okay, they “help” with all the chores and baking, then we do all the fun art projects and montessori play. That's the list that says I'm a good mom, right?! That's the list that proves I'm doing my job. I'm nourishing and protecting.

That is, that's what I thought until I was shopping at Whole Foods (there actually are some foods there that are cheaper than at Fred Meyer, or Costco) for some specialty food items, I got to the checker and she said so sweetly, “My! You have a couple of CUTE helpers! Are you a good helper for mommy?!” And as my children clam up around strangers (still doing a good job protecting), I answered for them, “Hahaha! Not ALWAYS!!!” The cashier paused, then looked at me with the most compassionate eyes, and replied, “I'm sure THEY always think they're helping, and shouldn't we focus on their hearts' intent?...” Ummmmm...shoot! My children are always so well behaved when we go out, that I become humble to every stranger that says they behave well, or are good helpers, like I have to remind everyone that I should not be lauded for their good behavior, that they are the same as every other toddler, and are wrought with tantrums too! In all of my HUMILITY, I was really just HUMILIATING my children in front of other grown-ups! I could have kicked myself a thousand times, realizing that I don't speak well of my children to other adults, and quite often. REALLY?! How did I not REALIZE that little Kaylee and River were right there, listening to my every word, hearing momma say that they are NOT good helpers?!?! How crushing is that? Your children want your approval! Not your condemnation!

PRAISE! Praise their efforts. Brag about them! I still catch myself humbling them, especially if they're being good in public when they were brats at home, not 30 minutes ago! Ha! "Don't be fooled" I say! When really, I am the fool... telling them indirectly that they are little monsters, complaining about them, not building them up. Sure, I nourish and protect, but can I CHERISH them? When River falls asleep on my shoulder, do I get upset that she fought naptime and is now tired?! Or do I CHERISH those little chubby baby cheeks, and kiss her lovely face?! I must remind myself every day that WHAT IS DONE IS DONE, if they didn't behave so well earlier, that's over, DO NOT DWELL, it only proves to put pressure on your child that no one can live up to, and ALWAYS SPEAK WELL of your children! The lady was right, that IS all that they try to do, they just want to help, and they get frustrated easily, they get tired quickly, and heaven forbid they get hungry before lunch is ready, but every adult knows that!!! Everyone has their own impression of a toddler, and it isn't usually favorable, so why not tell them how GOOD yours is?! And maybe their little ears will hear how well you think of them, and they will live up to what you say! APPRECIATE all those little moments! They are so precious, and so is your child! Show them!

And on the subject of not-so-great nappers—the Sleep Fairy!

Candy and sugar are not consumed a lot in our house, so it proves as a very persuasive tool for the Sleep Fairy to use, but you could substitute with Jelly Bracelets, or any other sort of cheap Knick Knack that your child will respond to!

We had implemented spankings, threats, and a gamut of discipline, effectively turning naps and bedtime into a punishment. Who wants to sleep when it's just another punishment? It took a couple steps back to evaluate what was going on, and a couple days to see what they would do on their own for “naps” for two hours, which turned out to be just playing, laughing and getting along, but with the consequence of crankies later for momma while she makes dinner. So...they weren't being naughty, and I realized I shouldn't really be punishing them for that, but I didn't want cranky kids either.

In waltzs the Sleep Fairy! The girls stick a bucket outside their door for the Sleep Fairy to fill with treats for good sleepers. Momma peeps her head into the room after the lights are out and they're supposed to be sleeping, reminding them that the Sleep Fairy will not come until they are asleep, a few times. If they fall asleep reasonably well, the Sleep Fairy treats them, if not, they look in the bucket to find nothing. That's when it sinks in!

It is positive reinforcement! And it works! And it is SO much easier to speak well of your kids when they take a nice nap!!!